C.U.TMRW

  The day came and I felt relieved. The look in your eyes, the change in your posture, the coldness I felt from you instantly when I told you I was done. There is nothing else for me to say rather than that I am so sorry to do this. But even then you will not understand my decision. You will suffer from my simple collection of words that will bring you sorrow for the next weeks or even months. But is it really love when I felt nothing but good afterwards? Or am I a monster that gets joy out of hurting others. Sometimes I feel like I suck the life out of people. Its not that I don't care, its not that you did something wrong. It is just truly me this time. I always find it funny how people say "its not you its me" and I always thought that that is bullshit. But I have come to the realization that I don‘t want you anymore. Nothing that you did triggered my desire not to be with you. I certainly feel bad for not wanting you the way you want...

Looking back at your life you always seem to realize that everything that you went through has a purpose in the future. Every difficulty you had in the past that you thought you would not survive, you have conquered. And it made you to the person that you are today. I would be lying if I said that I got through the darkest days on my own. For that you need a special someone to help you through. That makes you feel like home and safety. In this delusional world with delusional people it is hard to find someone who represents your ideals. Not only is it hard but I would go so far as to say that it is nearly impossible. But I found my person. Or maybe he found me. The matter is not how the metaphysics or fate works, what I know is that it worked in favor for the two of us. Thinking of other people that do not have that special someone pains me to see. They do not experience the strength and loyalty a friend can give to you. They must feel exhausted trying to find their other half. Some...

  Have you ever been in love? Or imagined to live with someone for the rest of your life? Well my fellow friend Jason did. He fell in love with a girl named Emily.                                          In this following essay I will tell you all about Jasons feelings and how he fell in love with her. And also, about what love really is and if love changes us as a person. It did not take Jason long to fall in love with Emily. It all started on the beach. He liked her immediately and soon enough he wanted to see her more often and tell her all about him. He told me, that the more he got to know her the more he fell in love with her. He describes love like wanting to rewrite the world with the person you love.                                               ...

  Am i too selfish for wanting your attention? Is it cruel of me to not want to be your girlfriend but still be jealous every time a girl even stands beside you? Let alone speaks to you. I hate the feeling I get when I see you talking with her. It makes my blood boil. But the most scary thing is that I feel worthless. I degrade myself thinking I am not good enough for your attention.  Will my ego really be that hurt if you are not obsessed with me? I guess I am not used to being rejected. But you didn’t reject me did you? You play your game so good or are you just hurt and insecure that someone thinks that you are worth being desired? Because you are and I want to be your light and show you who you really are and that you matter. But then again, I am not sure.   Are you just not interested or just hurt? You don’t talk and when you do, you hurt me with your words, but I don’t want to leave you. I don't want to leave the spark you give me. The long stares in my soul. You a...

It is evening in my hometown. The feeling of fresh air hits me and covers my body with goosebumps. Its the familiar sound of Skype. I am waiting with my aunt for my mom to pick up. For the last 3 years I have seen her through a screen. Is that what dystopia is like? Not being able to touch your mother? To Hug her? I See the tired face pop up on screen and I am filled with joy and pain. „When will you get me mom?“ I ask. Not realizing that I am making it harder for her. „Soon“ she says with a sad voice.  How scary is it, to move to a country where you don’t know the language where you have no one to trust. How hard is it to leave your child behind to build a better future for the both of you? How did she not break?  I got lucky. Having her.  With a goodbye we hang up and I go to bed, once again, without my mom. Hoping to see her soon. When is this going to end? I ask myself. It is like in a movie. My time is running out and my mom will be here soon to get me and start a ne...

Dear someone, I know it is hard. It is hard to keep on pushing, keep on living everyday. Trying to overcome the challenges and obstacles that life gives you on the daily.  Sometimes you feel alone. Alone in your room. Alone with your thoughts and fears. You almost feel forgotten in this big wide world.  „Why me? What did I do to deserve this?“ You ask yourself, knowing that you will never know why. Because it is not something that you did that karma is now punishing you for. It is not your fault that bad people exist. It is not your fault that your own mind and its intrusive thoughts take ahold of you and make you see things that are not there. And it is also not your fault that you have been growing up in a household that was full of fear. No safety, no place to call your home.  The only reason why you were so happy to wake up everyday, for 13 years you have been escaping the madness in your house by going to school. It was relieving for you to forget about the prob...